On my weigh down...

Blog Slacker

2009-09-13T10:35:00.003-05:00

I totally suck at keeping up with this blog.

3 major episodes have driven me back into a depression I hadn't suffered since I was in my 20's. My aunt passed away in Illinois on July 25th, another aunt passed away on August 11th. This second aunt's passing has shattered me - she lived next door to my parents, she was 84, she was like my 2nd mother, I was everywhere with her when I was little, she was my dad's only sibling left out of 10 siblings. I am still in non-belief that she is not in the little white house that stands 6 ft next to my parents. I cry for her every day. I miss her so much.

...and the third event I can't even believe. I have a brilliant, so intelligent 4 yr old grandson who lives with me and his mom. He started Pre-Kinder on Aug 24th and has been in trouble EVERY SINGLE day since then. I tell you, we are talking about 2 different personalities here! He is kind, loving, yes he is hyperactive and we have known it, so he just got on Ritalin on Sept 2nd, but at home is just a kid. At school he is lashing out, hitting adults, hitting kids, throwing furniture, and worst of all, CUSSING like a sailor! WHAT?!?!?! Believe me when I say not a SINGLE cuss word is spoken in our home and never has been. We thought it was great when his dad finally came around and started seeing him in Feb of this year. Picked him up religiously every other wkend and now this...my grandson says his dad says those words when he is angry. Poor little kid, saying words he doesn't even know the meaning of, but knows that daddys says them when he is angry, so he does it too. He is forbidden from seeing him for the meantime. Of course he denies that he uses that language, but we know him only too well. We thought he would fight for his rights to see him, but his just told him mom that he wasn't going to fight my daughter, that if she didn't want him to see his son, then so be it. I am sure he is rejoicing at not having the responsibility that he denied for over 3 yrs. I raised 2 kids on my own, I tell my daughter she will be okay too.

I tell them I would have to see a video of him doing what they say because, not that I don't believe them (I work in a school and have seen it ALL), but this is so surreal, that we are talking about the same child. Saying things like f*** b*** to tchrs, saying I'm going to kick your a**, calling tchrs f****rs....Words we have NEVER EVER EVER said at my home!!! I am still in shock.

There is a special class in his school called an adaptive behavior unit. Administration is thinking of placing him there to see if he settles down, the special ed behavior specialist who has observed him a couple of times is against it. But he has only seen him being a little defiant, he hasn't seen him at his worst. Even his tchr can't believe the changes he goes through during the day.

I am depressed. I cry every day. He was at my school the first 5 days and I was a total mess seeing him brought to the office at least 4X daily. We finally moved him to the school he belongs to (we had him at my school on special permission). I was very close to a nervous breakdown, which I have had before, and moving him was for the best. My daughter now goes into work at 6:30 am so she can leave at 3 to pick him up. I was taking him and picking him up daily but getting the bad rpts daily did me in after 5 days. I was falling apart.

I am better, but still going through my life like a robot, just doing what I know needs to be done. I take Xanax daily to get me through, but don't want to go back on anti-depressants, too afraid of the suicidal effects coming back.

Please pray for little Ryan.

Back home

2009-08-08T16:35:00.013-05:00

Here we are on our way to Illinois, passing St. Louis, MO. Left on July 20, got there on July 21st. It was a long drive, but it was worth it. We were able to see my aunt for 3 days before she passed away on the 4th day (July 25th). We were not able to stay for the services, but we were there when it mattered - when she was alive.

This is a dairy farm we passed while driving up to Wisconsin to a cheese factory. I was in awe of how cool the weather is and has been up north. We are burning in TX with 105 degrees daily, while my relatives live in mid 50's degree at night!

We left Rockford IL on July 27th, headed to Port Clinton, OH to visit my birthtown of Port Clinton, OH. It had been a life-long dream of mine to visit where I was born before I pass from this earth and my parents helped to fulfill that dream. I cannot explain the "closure" I felt when we finally arrived. Just knowing my parents once walked those streets while in their early 20's...just can't put it into words.

This is my parents and me in front of the hospital where I was born. Of course, it's all modernized now, but it's still the only hospital in Port Clinton. Dad was worried about walking on the grass, until a nurse came out and offered to take our picture!

Leaving the beautiful state of Ohio. There, one more life-long dream fulfilled.

The reason I post this picture is because this semi was hauling this combine. As you can see, the tires had been removed. 2 other tires were strapped behind the combine. At one point the strap broke and one of the 500 lb tires cam bouncing down the highway!! It was a miracle of our Almighty God that no one was hurt! The tire bounced about 5 times and came to rest in the grassy medium. The shock of what had just happened hit us all later and we were speechless! Thank you GOD! for seeing that no one was hurt in any way!

TEXAS!! YES!!! It may be hot and it may sometimes be boring, but it's HOME!!

All in all, we were on the road for 5 days and we were in IL for 5 days. We traveled very close to 4K miles, averaging 850 miles daily, just my aunt and I as drivers. Wouldn't trade it for the world, but next time I'm going by plane!

My weight crept up to 228 while gone! UGHH!! Too many chips and junk on the road. It's back to slim fast and protein now. I HAVE to lose this weight! My son plans on getting married in Vegas in late October, I should be able to pull off a 30# weight loss in 3 months. I just have to DO IT!!

Weighty issues...

2009-07-17T23:58:00.003-05:00

I went to my doctor today to have annual labs done. I had gastric bypass surgery 8 1/2 years ago and need annual labs for everything under the sun -- all my vitamins (A,B1,C,D,E), magnesium, iron, etc, etc. I should take daily vitamins and I have NEVER done so. I did at the beginning, but it's been years since I took anything. The few times that I've had labs done everything was always normal.

Well, lots of the labs that I need are not your normal labs. I was there for 2 hours, the tech had to call different places for guidance, the office manager had to go buy aluminum foil because 3 of the tests mandate that the vials of blood be shielded immediately from light, some vials had to be frozen immediately. I was very patient, but I was getting ready to leave when he finally said he was ready. I politely told him, "please keep notes of everything in my file for next year." and I said it with a smile :-)

Then the weigh in...ugh....I weigh 224.25. I guess that is good (in a way) because when I left work on 6/25 my weight was almost 228. Then I went on vacation and refused to weigh in when I returned. I've been very good, mostly since I returned from vacation last Friday. I am having slim fast for b/f, a big salad with protein (chicken breast, turkey meatballs, etc.) for lunch, protein shakes in between, and MORE salad with protein for supper. Today I cheated and had a 99cent bag of crunchy cheetos. That's because my daughter wasn't with me, or else she would have talked me out of it. We are both trying to lose weight, she wants to drop 35 lbs, I want to drop 55, the lbs I have regained since my all-time low of 170 after my bypass surgery.

I read so many journals and see where people break up weight loss goals into 5# increments, maybe that's what I need to do, rather than see the BIG picture of 55 lbs! In actuality, I should be aiming for 70-80 lbs, my surgeon's goal for me was 140. I was a size 12 at 170, so I cannot imagine what size I would be at 140...maybe a 6 or 8?? no wayyyyyyyyyyyy, I would be skin and bones at that size.

I have been walking an hour for the last 3 days for exercise. I live in a rural area and there is a drainage canal next to my house with wide embankments on the sides. My sister and I meet there at 8 pm and just walk until 9. It's a great workout! My ankle has been bothering me a little since I started walking at a faster pace, hopefully it will hold out because I do not want to quit exercising. I have to see the # on the scale continue to drop down.

On another note, my parents (80 and 81 yrs old), a 67 y.o. aunt and I will be driving to Rockford, IL on Monday, July 20th, God Willing will arrive there the next day. An aunt of mine is quite ill and is not expected to live long. While there plans are to travel to Port Clinton, OH. That is the tiny (6,000 population) town where I was born and have never visited. We moved here when I was 2 yrs old. I am not excited about all the driving, but I am very anxious to see new places. The majority of our trip is just to get OUT of Texas!!!!!! We live waaaaaaaaaaaay down in the south of TX so anywhere we go, we have to get out of TX FIRST.

Work Situation

2009-07-17T23:42:00.003-05:00

I have been an elementary school secretary since 1989. I have been through 2 principals. The first was 1989-1996, the second from 96-now. When this principal started, she was 51 and a breath of fresh air, compared to my former principal. Well, time took it's toll, she is now 64 and retired, not because she wanted to, but because she was "asked to" by our administration.

Our school has declined - the morale is low, our texas tests are low, everyone does what they please - their attitude was if the principal doesn't care, why should we? There was no discipline at our school - either for kids OR staff.

All this time, we were so sure our assistant principal, who has been there 11 years, would move up. Well, the school board branded her "Guilty by association" and didn't promote her. I guess they figured that she would carry on the same type of administration, but they were oh so wrong! This young lady, all of 43 years old, is a genius! She has it all, knowledge, wonderful rapport with staff and parents, great discipline (when the principal would allow her to follow through), great with budgets, timelines, etc, etc.

She resigned on July 9th :-( She called me, said she had to personally call me to let me know before I heard it from someone else. We got along GREAT and we had already talked about the changes that needed to be made. She has applied at surrounding school districts, has her masters in counseling so says she would like to try that for a couple of yrs and then put in for administrative work. I am sure going to miss her.

I met our new principal briefly. I have heard from like 10 people and they have all raved about her - that she is EXCELLENT in all she does. Maybe the top administration sent her over to "fix" our school. We seem to have developed a good beginning. I mean, what can I do?...I have to work with her. I consider myself a "people person". I get along with everyone I meet. I like to please - is that the "fat girl wanting acceptance" in me? Maybe not, I've known some mean fat people in my life!! LOL!

Anyway, I am meeting with my new principal tomorrow for a small pow-wow, I already have my list of "suggestions" for her. She commented to me that she was going to rely on my word because she knows that school secretaries are the "heart" of the school. We'll see how tomorrow goes.

On Vacation and Refreshed

2009-07-12T17:33:00.007-05:00

I finally finished my contract for the school year on June 25th. Have been doing nothing and enjoying it! Met up with my boyfriend in Rockport, TX for our annual week long vacation. We stay in some cottages along the waterfront and just lounge around, drink beer, talk, eat and sleep. No touristy thing for us, no visits to unknown places, just sit and do nothing!

Picture 1: View of the bay from our cottage.
Picture 2: View of our cottage from the private pier. The little cottage shown here used to be a bait stand. Our cottage is across the street from the pier.
Picture 3: Sitting on the pier at sundown. Aaaahhh, so relaxing.

The other couple that we went with would go out to eat every day. She said she was on vacation and was NOT cooking. I told them that this is the only time I get to cook for my boyfriend so I would get up every morning and make us a delicious Mexican-style breakfast. He barbecued pork butt and fried some shrimp for me.

I met him in 2003, so this is our 7th annual vacation we take together. Even though I love him, and I love being with him, it's always good to come back home. Could it be that we both have spent so much time alone, that we are used to being on our own? We sometimes talk about "someday when we're old and retired", about getting married, but is it wrong NOT to want to get married now, after all these years together?

Friends have said we don't love each other enough to get married. But I think it's BECAUSE we love each other so much that we are so happy with our arrangement. I just look at it as if we are married but our jobs keep us living in separate places.

Don't even want to weigh myself, thinking at least 5 lbs up during vacation. But daughter and I are helping each other out with good eating habits and I'm hoping that will finally get me moving in the right direction.

My grandson who lives with me is starting school in a few weeks. WOW, seems like just yesterday my daughter shocked me with, "I'm pregnant." We promised to love and support each other and we have. She and Ryan live with me, she works at the school I work at and I take care of him while she attends the university at night. She's half-way done so we're looking forward to the day she has her degree. Something she should have done when she didn't have a child to look after, but better now while she is unmarried and has no other commitments and still lives with me.

My new grandson turned 1 month 2 days ago! Can you believe it?? WOW, time is going to fly! I haven't gone to see him since I returned on Friday, but will spend the day with them tomorrow.

I've got another post in my mind, but it's related to my job.

I'll be back later tonight to put that up.

3 months?!?!?!

2009-06-21T00:21:00.007-05:00

Yep, it's been 3 months since I last posted.

I get on here EVERY single day, but I am just too lazy to post. I won't say nothing exciting has been happening, because several major events have taken place.

On May 16th, my boyfriend's only sister passed away. She was 61, and had a 22 y.o. and an 18 y.o. daughter (both were adopted as infants). People, if your affairs are not in order, get them in order TODAY. Leave something in writing, have it notarized and just tell someone where it will be. If you don't have a POD (payable on death) at your bank or credit union, do it TODAY! We never know when our last day on earth will be, and you don't want to leave your loved ones with this burden. My boyfriend had to borrow $5K for funeral, and this was a low-key cremation, and $2K on top of that for lawyers fees to get paperwork in order to give him access to bank account, etc. Yes, his nieces are LEGALLY adults, but how many 18 and 22 y.o.'s do you know who know about life and what needs to be done?!? Poor boyfriend, he is overwhelmed at the sudden onslaught of being a "parent". But he is strong, and I am being strong right along with him, and he will prevail.

On a much brighter note, I AM A GRANDMA AGAIN!! Adrian was born on 6/9/09 and he is such a joy! My son and DIL are a little overwhelmed because they want to do everything "right", but I tell them to just enjoy the newness of being first-time parents and the rest will all fall into place.

This is Adrian, 4 hrs after being born.

This is my only son, proud as he can be of being a first-time Daddy.

This is Mommy, just loving on her newborn son.

This is proud Grandma, amazed at how much Adrian looks like his daddy when he was first born.

And this is the face that wakes my son & DIL at 2 a.m.!!

Weight-wise, I am still the same. Every day, EVERY SINGLE DAY, I say to self, "Self, today you will start liquid diet," and every single evening I am disappointed in self. Weight loss surgery or not, it's still the same old battle, mouth loves to eat, brain hates mouth. I still weigh 220 lbs :-(

Thank you Joann, for bringing me out of lurkdom, and reminding me that people still want to hear about this end of the USA.

Happy Birthday Little One!

2009-03-18T13:53:00.007-05:00

Today is my son's 29th birthday. How is that possible? He was just a baby!!! Oh the trials we have been through, you and me, my son... Me, a woman, raising a boy all on my own, not knowing how to handle the "man" things but trying with all my might to learn how to pitch a baseball so you could practice. I desperately wanted to teach you how to fish, but resources were so very limited, there was never any money for ANYTHING except the needs we had, and sometimes not even for that.

But...time passed and you have grown from an 8 lb, 8 oz, 22" long baby into a 6'6" 250 hunk! You are a loving, respectful, and very much respected, young man. Soon (in June, God Willing), you too, will have your own son. I can't wait to hold baby Adrian in my arms, but I most definitely can hardly wait to see YOU holding your own son.

This was Sunday at my daughter in law's baby shower. This is my son Gilbert, Letty, my mom and me...almost 4 generations.

I'm on Spring Break this week, doing NOTHING!
I've just been taking care of errands that I can't do while working and that means SPENDING MONEY!! Yesterday $105. for car registration/title transfer, tomorrow it will be $125. to get my car window motor repaired and $60. to apply for a passport...me, a US citizen, will need a passport because I LOOOOOVE to go into Mexico for a few hours and drink 'em up those Margaritas!!

Catch you 'all in a bit...that's what I get for not posting in a month!!

Please pray...

2009-03-18T13:47:00.005-05:00

Please pray for the victims of the tour bus crash in Mexico. Several of those killed were from my area (the Rio Grande Valley of Texas). Several were school teachers on Spring Break. I work with my local school district so I was in shock and in tears all day yesterday, just imagining what those poor victims went through and what their families will go through.

If anyone is interested, our local newspaper is carrying updated information on the accident on their site http://www.themonitor.com/. Our lives are in God's hands, we just never know...

Is it Thursday again??

2009-02-19T20:47:00.002-06:00

I didn't go work today and it felt good! I've been feeling totally exhausted for about a week now.
To catch up...I went to Corpus Christi to meet up with my boyfriend of 6 yrs. Valentine's Day was our 6th anniversary, we originally met there back in 2003 after chatting online for about 6 weeks and the rest is history :-) We dined at Blackbeards, which has become a tradition and then just stayed in and enjoyed each other's company. It's amazing what good friends we are, we can sit and talk for hours. I would hate to get married and have that end so I've chosen to enjoy being a "girlfriend" for as long as I can.

Last nght my 26 y.o. daughter and I got into an argument, which is quite rare. It was over some trivial issue and she just said, "now I know what Gilbert (my son) meant when he said he felt like he was walking on eggshells when he lived at home, I can't tell you anything without you blowing it out of proportion!" THAT HURT! Walking on eggshells...? If anyone went through what I went through from 1998-2003 with my son, oh Lord, I dont' even want to remember...3 car accidents, 2 of them hospitalized, major motorcycle accident, broken right arm, rod inserted, lost the use of his wrist until 2006 when he had tendon replacement, traffic citations after traffic citations, arrests for failing to appear in court, staying up all night worrying about him, where was he? was he turned over in a ditch somewhere? was he in jail? And then he had the nerve to say he felt like he was walking on eggshells while living with me?

I wish I was one of those mothers who could say, "Tough Shit, I'm the mom and if you don't like it, there's the door!" But I'm a softie and I never want to hurt my kids, I never embarassed them in front of their friends, I went to every single band practice/concert/football game, every event - I was there. And now my son has said a couple of times that he remembers being "terrified" of me, I told him that didn't sound so nice, and he said, "Noooo, that's good, because that kept me in line." Well, that may have worked until he was 18, and once he graduated all hell broke lose.

Why are we, the parents, always made out to be the bad guy?

Well, my daughter has a 4 year old son and my son will be a daddy come June (God willing) and one day, they too will be parents of grown up kids. I hope I'm around to hear what their grown up kids remember about them.

On a brighter note...I mysteriously lost 2 lbs this week. Scale read 220 today. YEAH!! But, BIG BUT...I was so depressed after my fight with my daughter that I found myself at the bakery buying 4 HUGE cookies! Comfort foods, that's all I could think of today while I was crying all day, just wanted to eat myself into oblivion.

Follow up with my ortho specialist today. All is well, I can remove the brace, he wants me to walk as much as I can without it, wants me to wear it if I'm going to be in crowds, or like at fairs/carnivals, etc. My last physical therpy session was this week, my $1,500. insurance limit has been met so now I get to do all my exercises at home. The therpist gave me a print out of what to do, they are mostly stretching exercises to help stretch my calf and the back of my ankle, the tendon has not totally relaxed so it's a little hard to walk normally. But...if I walk really slow, you can hardly tell that I have an injury. YEAH! Almost...almost back to normal!

Weigh in...finally

2009-02-12T21:33:00.003-06:00

Well, I finally stepped on the scale today and it wasn't what I thought. I weigh exactly 222, which I think was what I was weighing before I fell and broke my ankle 2 months ago. It's a victory in itself, because that means I survived the Christmas and New Year's holidays without gaining a pound, but I swear that when I went back to work just 11 days ago I probably weighed 5 lbs less. I am not eating a lot, I just munch on junk sometimes. We are in the middle of a chocolate bar fundraiser at school right now and even though plain chocolate is not a favorite of mine, I bought one yesterday and ate half :-(

I am constantly fighting with my food demons...last week after therapy I drove by a health food place and tasted some sugar coated cashews. They were devine and I bought $10. worth!! I ate for several days, then I finally threw out about half the bag out into the grass, I was sick of eating them...that's probably part of my 5 lb regain in a week! I just have to get my ass in gear and JUST DO IT! In early January I was told about a wedding on 2/21 and I thought...ahhhh, I have like 7 weeks to lose AT LEAST 10 lbs - did I do it? Nope, and the wedding is in 8 days. Tomorrow...it's always tomorrow. Damn food demons, why doesn't someone exorcise them for me!?!?!??!!

I will travel by bus this weekend for 3 hrs to go visit my boyfriend, it's our 6 year anniversary and we've always spent it together, so I hope my ankle is able to lift me up onto old Greyhound!

I sure hope I post a better weigh in next week. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Weekly update

2009-02-07T23:27:00.004-06:00

Wow, how time flies. I log on at least 3X daily, but I am reading (not posting), trying to catch up with my online friends, wanting to see how everyone is doing.

I returned to work on Monday and all has gone well. I am very happy to see that the 2 clerks have fared well while I was gone (not that they need me there to do their work), but they seem to have developed a new routine for handling the front office and that leaves me free to do my work w/o having to help them. They answer the phones, take care of the parents who walk in, and handle most of the staff's questions. That frees me to do the bookkeeping/bill paying/payroll/substitutes, etc, etc. It has gone nice and smooth and I was able to go to therapy 3 times this week. I have 2 more sessions scheduled this coming week and then a follow-up with the orthopaedic specialist on the 19th, maybe the brace will be removed at that time. Oh, I didn't mention that as of yesterday I am crutch-free and walking on my own. It was "strange" to stand by the parallel bars and gradually put all my weight on my left foot, I thought I wouldn't be able to, but the therapist gave me the confidence to do it, he kept reassuring me that the bone is healed and that I would be fine, so I walked out of there with my crutch in my hand and not under my armpit :-)

I know I lost some weight while I was at home THANK GOD, because I was worried about boredom-eating. One of my co-workers is one of those who notices EVERYTHING and is quite observant. As soon as I walked in on Monday, she said, "Wow, you lost lots of weight, were you not eating?!?" I told her I was careful of what I ate because I was worried about gaining from just laying around. My clothes fit better and so do my jeans! I am continuing to be very mindful of what I eat also. I usually have one egg with a small slice of ready-to-eat canadian bacon for breakfast, a protein shake for lunch, then I just have a light supper, maybe cottage cheese with a couple of slices of deli lean ham and some pork rinds. You would think I would be losing lots of weight, but my metabolism is shot from my gastric bypass and I know I should be eating more to get it revved up and of course, there's the no exercise, especially lately, but I am determined that this year will be the year I get back under 200 by the end of the year. My all-time high back in about October was 228, I am probably about 215 now, couldn't weigh myself this week because the coaches had the scale in the gym and I was not about to hobble all the way across campus just to use the scale. But this coming week I will make it a point to weigh myself and see if I am more or less correct on my #s.

I have a dream I need to talk about, but don't want to make this post too long, so will cut this one here. Last night's dream coming up...

Almost back to normal

2009-01-29T17:04:00.003-06:00

Hello Blogland! Had a follow up with the specialist today. I felt dumb while talking with him. He asked if I was still at 50% weight bearing - told him no, he said 50% last week, 75% this week and a cane next week. His response - well you should still be at 50% so you're a week ahead, and I never said anything about a cane, a cane isn't in my plan for you. Uhh, wait, I just checked my last post and that is what I posted, exactly what he told me. Anyway, he released me to go back to work on Monday, to use crutches as needed. I asked why I still can't push off with my foot, it is tight. He said it's my achilles tendon, and that is what therapy will continue to help with.

I have to admit, it's been nice staying home, totally quiet during the day, but now that I'm feeling much better, it's getting a little boring. I want to get out and be about town, shopping, or just window shopping, so I figure I had better head back to work before I "dollar store" myself broke!

I called in to work, informed my assistant principal that I will return on Monday, but I told her I need some modifications...help with a runner (not a problem, a clerk will do that for me), I need to leave early 3X week for therapy, and I need someone to cover the front office when I am alone. I cover from 1-1:45 while the others go to lunch, and let me tell you, that office can get quite busy with parents coming in ALL THE TIME to take their kids early. I can't be getting up over and over to help them, so they are getting someone to be there with me.

In other news, not sure if I've mentioned before, but I'm going to be a Grandma again! (Grandson #2 coming up, God willing, in June). My son and his lovely fiance are expecting a baby, a TALL TALL baby, he is 6'6", and she is 5'8", so we expect a beautiful baby boy with long legs! A baby shower is planned for March and both families are ecstatic!

It's been beautiful here in South Texas, about 50 in the morning, warms up to 65 during the day, if I was walking better I'd be at a park!

Thanks to my friends who have been checking up on me. I've been reading, just haven't been commenting.

What the heck?

2009-01-20T00:44:00.001-06:00

What's with the green twice underlined words in my previous post?? I didn't change any settings for those words!

Anyway...

Ankle Update

2009-01-19T23:55:00.006-06:00

The boot was removed today and this is what I have in it's place. The sides are rigid but the elastic is TIGHT! I noticed my calf was swollen this evening and it was almost rock hard so I loosened the elastics on it and now it feels so much better!

I have this other ankle brace from 6 yrs ago and it's much more comfortable. I'm going to ask if I can switch to this one. The only thing is that this one indicates that it's for the right foot and my left is the one injured.

Doc said to continue with 2 crutches while applying 50% of my weight on the ankle. How do I now when I'm at 50%?? After a week he said to apply 75% (again with the percentages) and use only one crutch. On week three he said to use just a cane. I start therapy tomorrow. I was thinking he was ready to release me to work today, but when I told him I had paid sick leave and disability leave, he said "ok, come see me on Feb 19th". I'm not sure I want to be out that long, my ankle really feels very strong. I was walking around on my boot w/o the crutches and I can kind of hobble around on this new brace w/o the crutches. But I'm afraid I may be putting too much pressure on the healing bone and I just may regret it in the yrs to come.

My principal sounded a little disappointed when I told her one more month, said we have budgets and such to work on. I told her I'm doing it all from home, I'm just not there physically.
I reminded her I'm just a phone call away.

I have to give myself a huge pat on the back here...I run the office w/o any help from my principal but she relies heavily on me. She doesn't need my help to run the school, but when it comes to budgeting and accounting, I will find the last penny! She knows nothing about budgets.

I could go on and on, but I will just say that too much would have been left undone if I hadn't been working from home as I have been doing. I could have sat back and said, 'sorry, I'm on sick leave' and refused to do anything, but I'm a responsible person, and lots of people's paychecks depend on me and no one but me knows what I do there.

The doc said since I haven't been using the ankle for 5 wks, it's kind of stiff. So I'm going to do about 2 wks of therapy and see how it goes.

Meantime, I will continue to enjoy my days at home. My sleep patterns are HORRIBLE so when I get ready to return to work I will have to plan ahead and FORCE myself to go to bed at a decent hour.

Silly Boy

2009-01-18T22:36:00.004-06:00

Just thought I would try posting a video on here. Still learning my way around blogger, so here goes...

This is my grandson imitating me. This is the "astronaut/moon boot" I use along with the crutches. You had to have been there because it was hilarious! Oh, and he thought to do this all by himself.

Doctor's follow-up tomorrow, we'll see what the status is on my ankle.

TO MY FRIENDS (FOLLOWERS)

2009-01-16T00:04:00.003-06:00

This is to thank everyone and anyone who has visited my blog, and especially a big thank you to those who chose to follow me. I have JOANN from CA to thank for bringing friends my way. Back in October I asked her to send some of her buddies my way, since I had none :-(

Lo and behold! Friends started popping out from everywhere...all parts of the US, I think one of my followers is from across the ocean! I never did learn how to "search" for blogs, so as I read blogs I follow, I click on those who follow them. I have to say that I am enjoying this tremendously! I have never had a big circle of friends, 1 or 2 close friends at best, and this is the next best thing. I have learned about people's lives, their spouses, children, pets, likes/dislikes, vacations (almost like being there), and lately, the weather.

Learning to maneuver myself around blogger (compared to AOL journals) couldn't have come at a better time than now that I have been home for 5 wks with a broken ankle. I sit on the recliner day and night, leg propped up and just read away. One blog was so fascinating that I stayed up ALL NIGHT reading, from 11 pm until 7:30 a.m. I e-mailed the lady and told her, unfortunately she hasn't posted in awhile, kind of like losing touch with a good friend. Once I return to work, the laptop will be gone and it'll be back to the desk PC. Time will be more limited there since I will have to go to sleep at a decent hour!

So to all my friends out there, THANK YOU for accepting me into your lives! :-)

Estela

HELP!! Need recipe

2009-01-12T17:53:00.002-06:00

Someone (hopefully they are following my blog) posted a recipe about 2 or 3 wks ago for a simple
out-of-the-can soup. Ingredients: Beef broth, veggie broth, can of carrots, diced tomatoes, can of beans.

If you are reading, please send it to my e-mail at Venus905 at aol dot com.

I have all the ingredients, but didn't keep track of the recipe. It's supposed to be cold & rainy here in South TX on Friday and would love to have some soup on hand.

THANKS!

2009-01-11T10:29:00.002-06:00

Good Sunday morning from beautiful cool, cool (50 degrees) South TX to all my blogger friends!

Just to give y'all a shout out and share this beautiful piece:

A scientist once ran an experiment which he called "processional caterpillars". He lined up caterpillars on the rim of a pot that held a plant so that the lead caterpillar was head to tail with the last caterpillar, with no break with the parade. The tiny creatures walked around the rim of the pot for a full week before they died of exhaustion and starvation. Not once did any of the caterpillars break out of the line and venture over into the plant to eat. Food was only inches away, but the follow the leader instinct was even stronger than the drive to eat and survive!
When we find ourselves in the rut, we do well to ask ourselves these three questions:

1. Is this rut is my own making? We tend to choose a rut because it’s comfortable and requires no risk. To get out of a rut, make new choices.

2. Who am I following? We adopt certain patterns in our lives because someone has taught them to us directly or by example. Make sure you are following good leaders; don't simply follow the crowd.

3. Where am I going ? Ruts develop when we lose a sense of vision of our lives... When we are "just traveling" through life and not attempting to arrive at a destination. Goals take you somewhere!

"A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd"

This is to remind you that first you have to identify the ruts in your life before you can even change them. So spend so time alone and examine what has been holding you back in your life. And then resolve to make healthy changes in your life that will start to turn things around.

Have a wonderful day!

I'M READY!

2009-01-10T12:14:00.005-06:00

This is what I am presently wearing:
Not sure when this is coming off, but at least it keeps my healing ankle stabilized and I have started to put a little weight on it as I walk around in my crutches. I feel okay during the day but then I realize that I usually overdo it during the day...when I'm hurting at night!

Next specialist appt on the 19th, we shall see what's up.

And this is what I am longing to wear: I can hardly wait for the summer to head back out to the surfside in Corpus Christi, kick back, relax under a huge umbrella, good book in one hand, cold one in the other. Aaaaaaah, that is the life!

Beginning Today...

2009-01-10T02:55:00.003-06:00

I found this online today and just felt like posting it.

Beginning Today

Beginning today I will no longer worry about yesterday.
It is in the past and the past will never change.
Only I can change by choosing to do so.

Beginning today I will no longer worry about tomorrow.
Tomorrow will always be there, waiting for me to make the most of it.
But I cannot make the most of tomorrow without first making the most of today.

Beginning today I will look in the mirror
and I will see a person worthy of my respect and admiration .
This capable person looking back at me
is someone I enjoy spending time with
and someone I would like to get to know better.

Beginning today I will cherish each moment of my life.
I value this gift bestowed upon me in this world
and I will unselfishly share this gift with others.
I will use this gift to enhance the lives of others.

Beginning today I will take a moment to step off the beaten path
and to revel in the mysteries I encounter.
I will face challenges with courage and determination.
I will overcome what barriers there may be which hinder my quest
for growth and self-improvement.

Beginning today I will take life one day at a time, one step at a time.
Discouragement will not be allowed to taint my positive self-image,
my desire to succeed or my capacity to love.

Beginning today I walk with renewed faith,
Regardless of what has gone before,
I believe there is hope for a brighter and better future.

Beginning today I will open my mind and my heart.
I will welcome new experiences.
I will meet new people.
I will not expect perfection from myself nor anyone else:
perfection does not exist in an imperfect world .
But I will applaud the attempt to overcome human foibles.

Beginning today I am responsible for my own happiness
and I will do things that make me happy . . .
admire the beautiful wonders of nature,
listen to my favorite music ,
pet a kitten or a puppy, soak in a bubble bath . . .
pleasure can be found in the most simple of gestures.

Beginning today I will learn something new;
I will try something different;
I will savor all the various flavors life has to offer .
I will change what I can and the rest I will let go.
I will strive to become the best me I can possibly be.

Beginning today. And every day.
I will realized just how much God loves me,
sometimes we need to also love ourselves through His eyes.

Reminiscing...weight issues?

2009-01-07T23:55:00.003-06:00

I've been watching Oprah all week. She keeps insisting that the reason we're overweight is because "something" is missing, not because we enjoy eating. I've always said I enjoy eating and that's my reason, BUT...looking back...

I am the "middle" child. For some reason I can look back and remember feeling "all alone". I was the spoiled baby for 8 yrs until my brother was born, everyone talks, and I remember, about me being spoiled by my daddy. Why, then, do I remember feeling "alone" as I went into my teens and early 20's? Looking back, now at 53 yrs old, I can remember looking, looking for 'something', not knowing what. I was always overweight, never did the teen scene, never did the prom, etc. I went on dates, always with the boys who had girlfriends, always on the sly. Never had sex, but always made out with them, and I can definitely remember thinking maybe they would leave their g.f. for me! Never happened.

When I was 21 I lost weight, enough to find a boyfriend. Nice and strong relationship, fast & furious, rush, rush, for a little over a year. Then he lost interest. I was devastated! I threatened suicide! WHAT?!? And I, the big dumb ass, took some pills and wound up in the hospital, stomach pumped, and he left anyway.

2 yrs later I ran into my best friend's old boyfriend. We clicked, started dating, and 5 wks later we moved into an apartment. Now remember, this was back in 1979, you just didn't do that in a teeny tiny town like ours. But we did. And it was doomed from the beginning. But how could I go back? My mother was SO ashamed about what I had done, she barely spoke to me. The in-laws were no better, they wanted money from us for taking care of my husband's daughter, they wanted food from us, they were just horrible to us!

I stuck it out, 2 pregnancies, while he treated me like shit! He drank, called me the most horrible things he could. Meanwhile, all I could yell at him was "Why do you say that to me?!? Don't you see that we're equal?" and I was DETERMINED to make him see me as the whole woman I was. All along, my self-esteem plummeted down to ZERO! I am so ashamed to say that there were shouting matches between his new g.f. and me, still the mother of his children, I had my son and was pregnant with my daughter. It didn't matter. I didn't care about me anymore.

WHY?
Why would I do that to myself? Why would I hang on to his legs as he tried to walk out the door? I can picture us now, me clinging like a little puppy while he tried to shake me off.

I cried so many tears for so long. I don't cry anymore.

I felt empty.

I ate.
and ate
and ate

From my regular 200 I found myself almost at 300, while trying to raise 2 little ones and with hardly a penny to my name. I must have managed to find food to eat myself up to 285 lbs!

What happens in our minds?
Why do we punish ourselves?

As my kids grew and started going out at night, I would prepare myself with my friend to keep my company. I would go buy Oreo cookies and milk, and would stuff my face while they were gone. I convinced myself that I wasnt lonely, I was comfortable with my 'friend'. I didn't feel lonely.

I must have been trying to fill that "void" everyone talks about.

He killed my soul. He killed my spirit. He didn't love himself so how could he love me? Silly girl, took me 20 yrs to find that out.

WHEW, that's a load off my chest.

Oh, the skeletons we have in our closets.

4 X 4

2009-01-07T00:17:00.002-06:00

Mike, http://goingsaneinacrazyworld.blogspot.com/ (damn, somebody TEACH ME HOW TO ADD A LINK! I read up on it but can't get it!!) tagged me with this 4X4. Gonna make me think here...

Four places I go over and over again:

1. Corpus Christi, TX - my boyfriend from San Antonio loves to fish and I love to sit by the oceanside, listening to the pounding surf...so relaxing.
2. Dollar Stores - aren't they just the bomb?! So many good items to be found there, especially love the Dollar Tree, where everything is REALLY a dollar.
3. Wal-Mart - I can't imagine not having a wal-mart close by, and to think some people boycott this store.
4. My parents home - they are 81 and 80, still very lively, but hey, ALL our lives are in Our Lord's hands, and only He knows when we take our last breath. I want to enjoy every minute I can with my folks.

Four people who mail me regularly: (we're talking e-mail here, right? not snail mail cause nobody snail-mails anymore except my mother!)

1. Janie (married to my former brother in law, she lives up in New Braunfels, TX and I am just so jealous, because I love the Hill Country.)
2. Noelia (a co-worker/secretary at another campus in my district)
3. Moose (my boyfriend)
4. My long lost relative in Nigeria. Mike, could you and I be related?!?!?!?

Four of my favorite places to eat, (apart from home):

1. Subway
2. Wal-Mart Deli Popcorn Chicken
3. Taqueria Jalisco in Corpus Christi
4. My parents during lunch break. I'm not a big eater of take out.

Four places I'd rather be now:

1. Corpus Christi, lounging by the oceanside
2. San Antonio, relaxing by Calaveras Lake
3. Anywhere in the Hill Country of Texas
4. In a thinner body!!

Four favorite TV shows:

1. Cold Case Files(I'm a sucker for crime TV)
2. Forensic Files - man, what one single strand of carpet fiber will reveal!
3. Snapped - why do people think they can get away with murder?
4. The Suze Orman Show - she's just so SMART about money!

Four movies I would watch over and over again:

1. Back to the Future I
2. The Green Mile
3. The Shawshank Redemption
4. Cast Away

Four people I would like to tag:
(Again, remember I haven't learned how to insert links!)

1. Winivere -Woman in the Glass Box
2. CJ - Trappednme
3. Kelly - Operation Shrink A Bootie
4. Joann - Joann's Weight Loss Journey

Thank you Mike, it took me about 45 minutes to do this. It's 12:54 a.m. and since I don't have to go work tomorrow, still up reading about my friends out in BlogLand.

10 Interesting Facts

2009-01-04T02:18:00.004-06:00

I was tagged to do a post of 10 interesting things about myself tonight so let's see what interesting things I can think about myself. Damn, I tried adding a link but I haven't learned! http://losingwaist.blogspot.com did this and asks that I pass this on.

1. I am the middle of 5 siblings, brother, sister, ME, brother, brother. Everyone was born in TX and I was the only one born in Ohio. My parents celebrated 58 years of marriage June 2008.

2. My first temporary job lasted 3 days. I was an interpreter for a photographer at a local discount store. I couldn't find a permanent job when I graduated because I was only 17 and everyone wanted me to be 18!!

3. I am a VERY loyal employee -- I worked at my first permanent job for 4 yrs and at my present job for 32 years! OH MY!!

4. I was the baby of the family for 8 yrs until my younger brother was born. I was spoiled rotten!

5. I married a man who had been in love with my best friend when we were in high school. (He should have married her and made her miserable!) We were together 3 yrs and the marriage lasted 4 yrs.

6. I never let the ex forget that he left 2 innocent children behind, kept after him for child support. He was last in jail in 2006, when my children were already 24 & 26. To this date I am owed over $130,000!!

7. I lived in a mobile home for 22 yrs, then built a 3 bedroom brick home for $30K. Paid off the loan in 5 yrs! When I moved into my new home I donated my mobile home to a friend's church.

8. I may look like your local librarian, but I mingled with over 20,000 bikers at the Annual Bike Fest in South Padre Island in 2002. Broke my right wrist from a motorcycle fall. OUCH, but what fun I had!!

9. I broke my left ankle on 12/10 when I slipped on rain water while trying to retrieve my newspaper. Just now starting to feel better.

10. My "boyfriend" and I met through match.com in 2003, still together. We live 250 miles apart, see each other every 2 or 3 wks. The weekends when we don't see eacher other, I play Scrabble with my 79 year old mother on Saturday nights.

YOUR TURN!!

THANK YOU!!

2009-01-01T15:45:00.002-06:00

Thank you EVERYONE for your input!

I gave it some thought and realized I really can't do anything about the days that I will be out. If I am out 20 days, then 20 days will be sent in to payroll. Trying to make any changes in # of days absent can get complicated, especially because I am applying for disability. The disability company wants to know first day out and date of return.

BUT...I am going to request 5 days of comp time for when I go back. I will use those days as needed. If the school year ends and I have not used them, then I will carry them over to next year.

I have tried cross training one of the clerks, but she kind of rebels. She's like, "no no, I will just wait till you come back. It's too much work".

CJ, you know it's almost impossible to get someone to learn EVERY LITTLE THING we do to keep the school running. Plus, I could try to train her, but when you don't do the job on a daily basis, you tend to forget, which is what would probably happen to the clerk.

I just thank Almighty God that I love my job and the people I work with, because if I didn't I would NOT be worried about the job getting done and then all hell would break loose!

Estela in South TX

What would YOU do??

2009-01-01T03:57:00.003-06:00

Okay, I need some opinions here...

If you've been following me, you know I fell and broke my ankle on 12/10/08. I work with a school district where I am the secretary at an elementary campus. I am in charge of time sheets, monthly payroll, including keying in substitute pay. Here's my dilemna...

I applied for FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) since I didn't know how long I would be out. I have about 120 days of paid sick leave so I am not worried about not getting paid while I am absent. However, no one has been willing to be cross-trained in my job responsibilities. My son is a computer tech with the same school district and he has hooked me up with the ability to access my computer at work from home. So while I am at home I can do my work as if I am sitting in front of my computer. I have done, and continue to do, all payroll from home. If I don't key in absences for employees, the subs called in do not get paid. There is NO ONE at my campus who knows how to do this, so it is IMPERATIVE that it get done.

When my daughter had her baby 4 yrs ago I was in the same predicament. I applied for FMLA and the clerk at Risk Management asked me who was doing my work. I told her that I was going into the office from 5-7 pm daily to do it. She told me that since I was still "officially working" it would be up to my principal to make some arrangements with me, because when you are on FMLA, you CANNOT be at your work place AT ALL. At that time, I took 20 days of sick leave but was not marked absent because I was still working, albeit not a full 8 hr day, but my work was getting done.

What would you do? Would you ask that the same considerations be taken into account as when my grandson was born? There is NO WAY that my work will be done if I don't do it. I hate to think what would happen if I was incapacitated, example: if I was hospitalized, or God forbid, if I was gone...

What would you do? Ask for special consideration or just let the school district take the sick leave days (since I will not be docked at all). I am a VERY loyal employee and don't want to let my campus/employees/substitutes down.

Thanks for any input!!

End of the Year

2008-12-31T18:24:00.003-06:00

5 hrs and we'll say goodbye to 2008 and welcome in 2009. How fast time flies...do you all remember the scare of Y2K, when 2000 was coming in and everyone was scared that time was going to stop, that the water was going to run out, that all computers were going to crash!! Remember that!!!

Update on my broken ankle. Saw the specialist yesterday and he removed the fiberglass cast and put my foot in a walking boot. Darned thing looks like something the astronauts wear! I can now touch my foot down to the ground, but very, very slightly, when I am walking with crutches. He said that I can remove it to shower (have to sit on a chair) and that I should be able to take it off while sleeping in about 3 wks. It's coming along faster than I thought. YEAH!!

This year has been an average one for me. I was rear-ended in June by a drunk 15 year old girl, then had emergency outpatient surgery in August, and now my ankle. Yep, a little more illnesses than normal, but a very normal, quiet year in a small town for this small town woman.

I wish everyone a Happy New Year, may all our hopes and dreams come true, may the lonely find love, may the unemployed find suitable employment, may those of us who constantly fight the battle of the bulge finally win the war!!

Please be careful out on the road. We just had 3 brothers-in-law die (they were all married to 3 sisters) in a drunk driving accident - they hit a semi 2 days ago. If you drink, don't drive. If you drive, don't drink.

Estela in South TX

Weight Loss??

2008-12-27T15:11:00.003-06:00

I originally started this blog waaaaaaay back in 2003 as an incentive to lose weight. I didn't follow through on blogging and found myself gaining about 23 lbs in the last 5 years. I really want to lose 50-60 lbs but just don't have the determination! What in the heck is wrong with me? I had gastric bypass surgery almost 8 yrs ago, lost down to 170 and was extremely comfortable in a size 12, down from a size 26. I was a gym rat, I monitored what I ate, and then little by little, bite by bite, I wandered into the forbidden garden once again. Cookies, teeny tiny bites at first, now can eat several at once. I can't drink milk, can't eat beef, but I love chicken and turkey.

I know what I'm supposed to eat and to be quite honest, I fill up rather quickly when I eat what I'm supposed to...chicken breast with few veggies/small salad. I don't drink with my meals. But my doc said that the body will try to go back to it's previous state, it starts to absorb more calories. Since I eat things I shouldn't like slider foods (chips,cookies, crackers) and I get no exercise at all, my body absorbs all calories and the weight has crept back up.

20 years ago, I maintained 222 lbs for years and years, then my weight jumped up to 285 in about 10 years. For some reason my body wants to be at 222, which is what I weighed for several years. When I was at 215 I dropped down to 203 and my daughter just couldn't understand when I prayed for "JUST 4 lbs"...I so desperately wanted to see 100's again. Nope, went from 203 to 218, then 228, and now at 222 for about 7 months or so.

I've been laid up with this broken ankle since 12/10 and I was being very careful, eating very little because now I REALLY don't get any exercise, I have made the sofa recliner my "home" since then. As I have felt better and gotten stronger, I have started eating a little more, my appetite is greater now, and I hobble on my crutches to the kitchen and bring bite size chocolates in my pockets! I tell you, once an overeater, always an overeater! I really am trying to make wise food choices! My daughter goes back to work on Jan 5th, and while she's gone I have her pack a thermos bag for me with string cheese, boiled eggs, smoked turkey.

I know I can beat this! My pledge to myself for 2009 is to reach 199 by this time next year...baby steps, baby steps, one small bite at a time.

I must stay accountable here, just for myself. I have to write it down so I can see progress. I CAN DO IT!

Update on my Daddy

2008-12-27T14:46:00.003-06:00

My Daddy came home from the hospital on Christmas Day at about 2 pm. Tests show he had a mild heart attack, doc says probably from the severity of the vomiting. Daddy is 80, he had his first severe heart attack when he was 43 and has been on medication since 1971. Heart catherization in '88 showed severe blockage so docs agreed that he would have bypass ONLY if he suffered another heart attack because he was too high of a risk to operate on. Fast forward to 2006 and he had the dreaded attack but due to the passage of years and so much new technology, docs agreed to operate. His odds were greater but he came through with flying colors. His health has greatly improved since then! In fact, he does not show his age, people think he is 70 rather than 80. Doc said he suffered minimal damage with this mild heart attack and his meds will be increased slightly. Our concern now is that "spot" on his pancreas. God willing it is what the doc thinks and it is a treatable tumor. IF YOU PRAY, PLEASE KEEP HIM IN YOUR PRAYERS! He means the world to me and our family. He is our pillar we all lean on. He is a man of few words, but his words speak volumes!

Time & Date??

2008-12-25T02:22:00.000-06:00

Wow, just noticed that the post I just sent says 12/24/08, 9:43 p.m.!! Gotta work at this to see if I can fix that.

Testing, testing...

2008-12-25T00:27:00.001-06:00

Testing because the time and date seem to be off on here. Hopefully this post will say 12/25/08, 12:30 a.m.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

2008-12-24T23:43:00.000-06:00

Well, it's 12:20 a.m., Christmas day. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS!! :-)

I have come to a self-realization - in prior years I always went through a mini-depression around this time. I always made plans to buy gifts during the year and somehow only got around to doing it twice, many years ago. So I would usually buy gifts between the 10th & the 23rd, browsing, shopping, thinking, wondering which would be the "perfect" gift. The traffic is horrible, the people are rude, the stores are a mess...all leading up to my feelings of sadness; too much commercialism, everyone forgetting the reason for the season, sadly, me included at times.

This year I have been laid up with my broken ankle since the 10th. Even though I am able to get around a little better I have refused to go anywhere except the doctor, the hospital to see my Dad on Sunday and to the dentist yesterday. So not going out in the crowds has been Heaven-Sent to me!! Don't get me wrong, it's not the money because I always budget wisely and I can afford gifts. What I did was order tamales (Mexican specialty, especially during Christmas) for my siblings. I had already purchased gifts for 4 little ones in my family (they are the only children under 12, everyone else is 20 and up), so I had my daughter wrap and deliver those today.

My Dad is still in the hospital. It started with severe vomiting for 4 days which he ignored until he wound up in the emergency room with a very high fever on Sunday. Diagnosis...stone in his pancreas causing a blood infection! The stone was removed today through an endoscopy but the gastro doc saw a "spot" on the pancras that he is concerned about. Took a biopsy and we will know next week, says it could just be that the pancreas in enlarged or it could be a tumor that he has seen before and he can take care of. Please keep my Daddy in your prayers, he will be 81 in about 7 wks and is a heart patient. God Willing, he may come home tomorrow.

Have a wonderful Christmas everyone!!

GRATEFUL!

2008-12-23T19:17:00.000-06:00

This is going to be long, that's what I get for failing to update more regularly.

My boyfriend came to visit on Thursday, the 18th (he lives 250 miles away). He wanted to be here to go with me to the specialist office visit on Friday. My ankle is healing and I will not need surgery. In fact, he said the fiberglass cast was doing it's job and he will not change it to a plaster cast. I have an appt. for the 30th and I think he is going to put me in a "boot" and will start "weight bearing?" I guess that is stepping on it in increments, because there is still pain if I step on it. Granted, not as much as 2 wks ago, but pain none-the-less. Doc said by the time all is said and done, it will be about 4 months. I work with the school district, so I guess you could say I should be well by the time the school year is over. :-)

I must confess that I've been in a pity pit since this happened. I cried, I questioned why me, I got upset, I couldn't believe this happened to me. Feeling so helpless made me feel so down!

Then came Sunday and my dad wound up in the hospital after being ill for 4 days. Let me tell you I rushed out on my crutches (crunches, as my 4 y.o. grandson calls them), hopped into my sister's car and off we flew to see Daddy. I had been wearing a sock over my toes and I didn't even take the time to put it back on and it was about 40 degrees and that is cold for us! That shock made me come out of my "woe is me" attitude and I have felt so much better these last 3 days. I even kept a dentist appt I had for this morning.

One thing I noticed was that my foot and leg were getting a little swollen again. The PA at the doc's had told me I could sit on a regular recliner w/o having to have my foot above my heart. But after doing that for 4 days I noticed the swelling coming back. So last night I went back to the sofa recliner, all the way back, my foot piled up on 3 pillows and today I am much better.

It has been a little on the cool side here, down to the low 40's, but guess what?... we're having a "Tropical Christmas"...it's predicted to be 84 on Thursday!! I can't remember such a warm Christmas in a while. Considering what the northern part of the US is going through, from west to east, I think I'll take our tropical Christmas over waist deep snow.

I hope all my blogger friends from up north are doing okay, staying warm and safe inside.

Day 7

2008-12-16T16:41:00.000-06:00

For anyone who thinks that being confined to bed rest is fun - you're very mistaken! Yes, it might be nice to be all comfy and cozy under soft comforters, in the fetal position, but I can't do that. I am spending all my time face up on my sofa recliner, recined as most as I can with 2 pillows under my left foot. I can't move from there! I only get up to hobble on my crutches to the bathroom that is about 10 feet from me. That in itself is a monumental job, totally drains my energy.

Last night I fell as I was going to the bathroom. I lost my balance, I kind of fell in slow motion, tried to protect my foot by lifting it up into the air. I fell on hard on my left elbow & shoulder and on my tailbone. I cried out for my daughter who came running. For a long time I just lay there on the floor and cried...out of frustration, out of self-pity, out of pain. I finally crawled to the sofa and was able to drag myself up until I started all over again to the bathroom.

Why do I feel so sorry for myself? Maybe because I've always been the strong one, I have depended on no one. I raised my children by myself, no child support, no social aid. I did what I physically could in my home, I don't like to ask for help. It is hard for me to lay here and ask for things to be done for me. I feel like I am a burden. Why would I feel like this? I know that if it were my daughter who was in my position, I would be running around doing things for her without a complaint, but that's just the mother in me.

Not even sure what's going to happen. Dr. appt on Friday to see if the healing has started, if the bone has moved he will operate on my ankle. If it hasn't moved, and if I have to remain in this position until possibly the end of January, not sure I can do it.

Anyone else been in my position?

Down, but not out!

2008-12-12T08:49:00.000-06:00

Wednesday morning I slipped on rainwater and broke my left ankle. In excruciating pain, somehow I managed to hobble up onto my right foot and hopped around my car until I got in my house, all the while praying to God that I not fall again. I managed to make some calls and a co-worker came for me, helped me dress loosely and drove me to the doctor's. I decided not to go to the emergency room because (1) I would probably wait for 6 hrs before being seen, and (2) they would take x-rays and tell me to go see my doctor or a specialist.

My doctor couldn't see anything, but said that didn't mean there wasn't anything there. He put a "boot" on me and sent me for an MRI. An appt. was made for me for Thursday morning with an ortho specialist. After a pain-wracked night I finally made it into the specialist's office yesterday morning. I have a 4" spiral fracture (which is why it didn't show on the x-ray). He put a fiberglass cast on it and sent me home with instructions to stay as immobile as I can for 4-6 wks!!! I go back next Friday to see if the healing has begun...if the bones have moved, then it's off to surgery.

I am doing what he says, have stayed as still as possible. But it's so darned hard to stay in one position! I am on the recliner, all the way back and foot propped up on pillows to get my ankle higher than my heart.

I got on here really quick because I had to make an online payment and decided to stop by here. Can't sit for more than 5 minutes on a hard chair, my leg starts to tingle and go numb. And learning to use crutches at 53 years of age and 200 lbs is a B**CH!!!! Thank God I don't have any stairs in my home!

See you guys later! Looking to borrow a laptop to use during my bed confinement.

Black Friday

2008-11-28T17:53:00.000-06:00

I have never set my alarm to go shopping on this day but I did for today. I'm not much of a shopper and when I do shop it's after much penny-pinching. Woke at 5, got to Wal-Mart with my handy shopping list at 5:10, parked about 2 football fields away and was out in about 20 minutes. I couldn't believe the mobs of people crowded around certain areas, waiting for the pallets of merchandise! I no NOTHING about plasma tvs, or flat screens, etc. and I have no interest in buying one so I wouldn't have known if the prices were good or not. From the looks of the crowd, the sale prices were good.

I was after toddler jeans, kids pjs, rubbermaid containers, a new paper shredder, just regular stuff. I walked out with nothing because the lines were ridiculous for a $7. item. Came home, logged on and ordered the clothing items I needed. I was a little upset because the website was extremely slow, due to the heavy traffic I'm sure, so by the time I checked out, the toddler jeans I wanted for my grandson were sold out! I was brave enough to go back to the store at 10, and lo and behold! I found EVERYTHING I wanted, even the pj's I had just purchased were there. Since the store is open 24 hrs there was no way for the workers to set up the merchandise before 5, it was being taken out after the doors opened, that's why lots of the things I was looking fore were unavailable at 5, but they were there at 10...sadly not the jeans I wanted for my little grandson. Oh well, thank you Lord, for allowing me to be financially stable enough that I can buy items at regular price if I need them...but I was, I am, and will always be a penny pincher and will always look for the sale price!

After waking so early, I napped on and off between 3 and 5. Let's hope I am able to sleep tonight.

Pray for the Wal-mart worker who was trampled to death in NY as he was opening the doors to let the eager beavers in.

It's a BEAUTIFUL day in South TX, in the high 70's. How has your day been today?

How do you...?

2008-11-28T17:51:00.000-06:00

...search for blogs? On AOL journals you could key in words, such as weight loss, grief, photography, etc. and then search and links to journals related to that would pop up.

Can anyone help me? Maybe I just don't see it!!

Thanks in advance!

Feeling So Thankful!

2008-11-26T23:32:00.001-06:00

It's almost tomorrow, the official day to give Thanks. I am thankful every day because God is in my life. I know sometimes I ramble on about how depressed I am, but I've been fighting depression for 33 years now, on and off, mostly off, Thank God!

Some of the things I am thankful for:
My parents, 80 and 79 years old, married for 58 years. My mother is getting hard of hearing but she is a ball of fire, always on the go! My daddy is the calm one, so cool and serene all the time.
My paid off home. With my parents co-signature, I borrowed $30,000. 6 yrs ago, and after living in a mobile home from 1983 until 2002 I built a 3 br brick home. Paid $500/month and paid the entire loan off this summer! Now I'm paying those $500 on a car for a year and it will be paid off in a year.
My son, 28, and his fiance. They just bought a new home and found out they are pregnant. With God's grace, I will have 2 grandchildren come June 2009.
My daughter, 26 and my 3 year old grandson who live with me. He is such a bright spot in our lives!
My job of 32 years. I qualify for retirement and would get $2,100/monthly, but would have to pay health insurance from there, and face it, I'm not ready to retire!
My regained health after my gastric bypass surgery almost 8 yrs ago. Yes, I've regained half my weight, but most of what ailed me before my surgery left and never returned!
My boyfriend (gosh, is that still the correct term at our age, I'm 53 and he is 57!) of almost 6 yrs. We met through match.com in Feb. 2003 and have been together since. We live 4 hrs apart, so maybe that's why it's been so successful :-)

My God, who has guided me through all trials and tribulations, especially with being a single parent, and having to deal with my son's difficult period from when he was 18 until 24. 3 car accidents, 2 motorcyle accidents, the last one 2 yrs ago pretty serious. Thank you Lord, for giving me the courage to go on, for giving me the strength to carry on every day when I just wanted to lie under the covers and cry. I thank you for bringing my boyfriend "Moose" into my life, for it has been his guiding and loving words that have helped to ease my fears when I didn't know how to deal with my son's troubles. My poor son, growing up without a father to love him and to love back, who didn't know who to turn to in times of trouble. Thank you my Heavenly Father, for never giving up on us!

Father God, please bless my new blogger friends as you have blessed me. May each and everyone of them have a peaceful day tomorrow, surrounded by those they love. Amen.

Hello again

2008-11-22T23:10:00.000-06:00

Has it really been almost a month since I last posted? Back then, I honestly feel I was close to a nervous breakdown from so much pressure at work/inner pressure I bring on myself. I honestly feel I may be ADHD, I certainly have OCD to some extent. In the 19 yrs I've worked at my school, I have acquired more and more duties. Some I've brought on myself. Let me explain...I kind of live out of town and have to drive in to town to get to work, so anytime there are errands to run, or breakfast to pick up for meetings, I kind of offered myself to run those errands. It got to where I was pressuring myself to have to leave much earlier to run those errands AND get to work on time. That is just ONE of the things that had started to become kind of the needle that broke the camels back (is that the way the saying goes??). I was being made to serve as receptionist at work, along with all my duties as main secretary, and my work was being left undone by spending so much time away from my desk.

I finally cried "ENOUGH!" on Oct 16, took 6 work days and 2 weekend off and when I returned on the 27th things were different. Some physical changes took place in the office and I now have an office all to myself, but the most important change is that the clerk who shared an office with me was moved out with the receptionist and they share the front window and phone duties. I now work 8-5, rather than 8-6:30 (and I was working with NO overtime pay!), I come home feeling relaxed, and most importantly, my work is getting done ON TIME!!

Another wonderful thing has come out of all this...I actually sleep now!! I used to lie awake until 3 am, would sleep 2 hrs, then would wake at 5 am, worried about everything I could think about! Believe it or not, I now usually asleep by 10:30 and with no "happy pills" (Xanax or OTC sleep aids). I actually get a good night's rest and wake refreshed and ready to go!

I have to get back into the journaling. I usually spend the holidays kind of depressed, don't ask me why, I guess just too much commercialization. I enjoy the lights and the weather, but somehow I am depressed. My mood usually lifts at the beginning of the year.

My weight is still the same...219 as of last week. I've been back and forth to the doctor for several different issues, will go into that in another post.

Thanks to my 2 (TWO!) fellow bloggers who follow my blog, and I think one is about to deliver a baby, if she hasn't by now. If you're reading this, maybe you can invite some of your readers to stop by my blog, would love to meet new online friends.

Not happy at all

2008-10-28T19:42:00.001-05:00

This will not be a happy post.
I'm depressed.
I've suffered from depression for the last 30+ years. I tried to OD on sleeping pills when I was 21 because a boyfriend broke up with me. Crying out for help. Overnight in the hospital and then just swept it under the rug...it never happened as far as anyone is concerned...never spoke of it, ever, to anyone.
Miserable 4 year marriage from 23 to 28, 2 beautiful children who are now 26 & 28.
Weight loss surgery 7 years ago, lost lots of lbs, gained so much self-confidence, mingled with younger crowd, with bikers at motorcycle fests, did wild things I would never in my wildest dreams imagine doing.
Regained some weight, size XL now, no more size 12, no more pretty dresses. Old woman comfortable shoes and elastic waist pants to work.
Totally depressed. Happy one day, horribly sad the next. Want to shout out with joy with having a good day, want to just stay under the sheets and cry with sadness when having a bad day.
Why can't I find a happy medium?
Damn car accident in June sent me over again, feel like I'm spinning out of control. And I can't even put my finger on it. WHAT IS IT???
Used to take .25 mg of Xanax every now and then, find myself taking .25 at least twice daily just to get by! Found a 2 wk starter pack of Lexapro that doc gave me right after my car accident and took my first pill earlier today. Says should feel a change 2-6 wks after starting.

Everything bothers me, don't want to listen to the radio, kids at work bother me, sometimes I don't even want my 3 year old grandson to talk! And then I feel so guilty because my co-workers 3 year old grandson needs speech therapy because he just babbles, and I complain because mine sings and talks all day. Then today got a complaint from day care...he used the "F" word!!! It's just me, his mom and me at home, and we DO NOT use that word! We respect each other and others, and we would never use that word! I know he doesn't know what it is, but still...

I DON"T WANT TO FEEL THIS WAY ANYMORE!! IT"S NOT FUN! Trying to cope with daily life while feeling empty inside is just not right.

Depressed Today

2008-10-26T19:15:00.000-05:00

Looking back, I have fought depression since I was about 21. Not sure why, have been to several drs/psychiatrists/psycholigists, but never could pin it down to anything specific, just a chemical imbalance. I have days when I'm fine, then days when I am just weepy over anything and nothing---today was one of those days.

I had a VIVID nightmare last night. I got hit by a speeding car and I was spinning out of control. The minute that happened, I remember just feeling a relaxation, handing it over to my Heavenly Father, our God, and just started praying, "Our Father, who art in Heaven...", and I remember in my dream praying and repeating, "Thy will be done Lord, Thy will be done", because in my dream I knew I was going to die. That was the moment I woke up. It was a very real dream, like I said, it was SO vivid, I actually head the car crashing into me and I felt the spinning out of control.

I talked with my older brother about it and he says that in spite of my having faith in God, there is obviously something I haven't handed over to Him, something I still want to control. Because in my dream, I remember seeing the car coming and I thought, "I can do I, I'm going to cross", and that was when the car hit me. Indicating I still want to control whatever it is I haven't let go of. But in my dream I instantly gave it up to God, and I have to pray on it, I have to pray to God to open my heart and eyes to what it is that I haven't given up to Him.

I've been weepy all day so I took a Xanax earlier just to relax. I am returning to work tomorrow and am prepared to just "take it easy" and do only what is possible to do in an 8 hr work day. I will leave at 5, no more 6:30 for me, I never got paid overtime anyway. As things come up that I can pass on to one of the 2 clerks in the office, I will do it. I have to accept that no, I can't run the whole office by myself.

Hope everyone has a great week!
Estela in South TX

To share

2008-10-25T01:02:00.000-05:00

I absolutely LOVE to see other people's photos, so here's a few of mine. Sorry they're so big, I'm just learning my way around this site.

This is me a couple of months ago with roses from my children and my boyfriend for my 53rd birthday.

This is Milo, my 8 month old schnauzer. I had a loyal mutt for 8 yrs, lost him 2 yrs ago, and just this year I felt that I was "ready" for another pet, so my son gifted me with Milo. This was his first grooming session. Notice the look in his eye...Mom!! what did you do to me???!!!

This is my almost 4 y.o. grandson, touching a fish for the first time in his life. Standing with him is his "honorary grandpa", my boyfriend of almost 6 yrs.

This is what I love to do during the summer, spend as much time on the Gulf coast of South TX. This is my relaxation!!

Ryan, still afraid to touch the fish his grandpa caught.

Me and the light of my life, my grandson Ryan, relaxing at Taco Cabaña.

My daughter with Ryan (her son)

Totally confused!

2008-10-24T19:45:00.000-05:00

Oh Lord, I transferred my AOL journal over here, and have started following some of my regular blogs, but I didn't know I had to log into blogger to see y'all's updates!! ARGHHH!!! I thought I'd get notified like I did with AOL. Am I doing something wrong?

Then I log into google reader and there y'all are!! All 78 updates I haven't read!! Oh my! I have some serious catching up to do.

I'm so-so computer literate, nothing fancy, but because I just don't sit and learn all those glittery images and such. I know enough to get around, so excuse me while I catch up with everyone.

I've been home for 6 work days and 2 weekends, trying to bring my high blood pressure down, too much, just too much work at work!! I don't know how to delegate, don't know how to ask for help, and in the 19 years I've been the secretary at my campus, I've just acquired more and more responsibilities, until now my principal just expects me to do it all!! I kind of had it out with her last Thursday, and that made me pull back and decide to stay home for a week, after my pressure went high from all the stress. My health is more important than a job that will always be there.!

2008-09-24T07:21:00.000-05:00

Yesterday (Tuesday) was an okay day. I had an all morning meeting away from work so there was no chance for breakfast. I am not an early breakfast person, I am more of a 9ish person, so couldn't get anything at that time. At noon I went to Luby's and bought a spinach salad, LuAnn fried fish with fried cauliflower (to die for, had never tasted that) and broccoli wth rice casserole. I ate the fish, 2 florets and most of the rice thingy. I got SO sick!! I guess it must have been because I ate "clean" on Monday, so there was no "junk" in my intestines.

Due to my gastric bypass, I sometimes dump on certain foods. The fried stuff must have been too much for my system. My heart was racing, I broke out in a severe sweat and I felt like I was going to pass out. That hadn't happened in years! I relaxed, told myself I would be okay, and in a few minutes I was. Had another string cheese and s.f. jello for afternoon snacks.

Didn't get home until about 8, and found myself eating supper at 9:30. 2 slices of lean deli ham, 1/4 slice cheese inside, a thin strip of celery and cilantro inside...delicious!!

Experimented a little at night: turkey meatballs...turkey, crushed pork rinds, celery and cilantro. Baked 20 meatballs in the toaster oven for about 40 minutes, they came out devine! Will be waiting for me for supper when I get home tonight.

WEIGHT: 224.25 (hey if the scale weighs in quarter pounds, I am gonna take it!)

I am so much looking forward to just 199!, just to see that "1" again, and then take it from there.

Day One

2008-09-23T00:12:00.000-05:00

I decided that I would hit the escape & delete key in my daily struggle with my weight, and start all over again today.

Today's weight: 225.5

Breakfast: Protein shake

Snack: 1 cup s.f. jello

Lunch: 2 cups salad, 4 oz baked chicken breast.

Snack at 3 pm: 1 string cheese

Snack at 5 pm: Protein Shake

Supper: 2 cups salad, 4 oz baked chicken breast

My salads are simple, just romaine lettuce, green bell pepper, carrots, and 1/4 c. cottage cheese to make it moist, no croutons or dressing.

I have an appt. next Monday to see my general practioner for an endoscopy referral. I am really interested in finding out the size of my pouch and stoma 7.5 yrs after my gastric bypass.

I was quite satisfied with what I ate today. I would love to be able to say that I'm very strong when it comes to willpower, but I'm a wuss. Today I was able to just say no to cake and candy, I pray to God that He give me strength to continue this way of eating. Food is just nutrition, I should be a glutton everytime I eat.

Tags: gastric bypass, diet

Time Flies...

2008-09-20T17:39:00.000-05:00

I've been suffering from anxiety every single day as I take off for work. I take deep breaths, I talk to myself, but it doesn't help. There are times when I have to take some xanax just to be able to make the 8 minute drive to work. Once at work I'm okay.

So this morning I went to the dr's for a refill of my RX. Got there at 8:15 before they even opened the office, I was the 4th one to sign in. Several patients were called in before me and I understand some of them were there for labs only. At 10 I finally got up and asked the nurse and the receptionist what was going on...why was I skipped...look around, I told them, the office is almost empty! They were apologetic and said they'd look into it. By the time they called me in 5 mins later I was furious! Now I'm normally a very patient person, so my feelings this morning took my by surprise. In fact, I had taken half a xanax before they called me in because I was starting to breathe heavy! I was SO upset! When they took my vitals I told the lvn, "don't EVEN take my blood pressure, I'm sure it's high!" Anyway, I finally saw the PA (doctor was out), got my refill, and made sure to tell her to take notes that my anxiety has gotten very bad since my car accident.

My attorney sent me the offer from the other insurance...they are offering $1,039 for my totalled Chevy Metro. I sent him the criteria for my car being in good to fair condition and the value is much higher than that. The trade in value would be 990 and the private party resale would be $2,150. It told him to ask for at least $1,300. I can only imagine what hassle we will have trying to collect on my bodily injury. My physical pain may be over, but it's a nightmare for me to drive anywhere...I imagine every car is going to rear end me at any minute! It's horrible feeling like that, but I can't help it.

My weight is at an all time high, 228 this morning. Not even sure what to do anymore.I have an appt on the 29th with my doc to see about having an endoscopy to make sure everything is still in working order (from my gastric bypass). Maybe I'll get an answer to the weight regain.

Tags: anxiety, stress, car accident, weight gain

Going back...

2008-09-07T15:22:00.000-05:00

My parents were working in Ohio when I was born, then we moved here when I was 2 yrs old.

I married at 23, had 2 children, lived a miserable 4 yr marriage, then got out when I was 27. I raised my son & daughter, now 28 and 26, alone. Looking back I don't know how I did it financially. There was no child support (not because I didn't challenge the legal system!), no welfare/food stamps (supposedly I earned too much for a family of 3, I think I used to earn about $800/month), and I had a $200/month mobile home pmt and $220/month child care. I remember going to the grocery store weekly and only being able to spend $15.!! Of course, things were cheaper then, but still... I tell eveyone who asks that GOD helped provide, because we never went without.

In spite of my ex cursing me and telling eveyone who would listen that I was going to lose everything, I managed to pay 11 yrs on the mobile home until it was paid for, then I took out an $8K loan and added a room and made some repairs, paid that off, and in the meantime I would scrimp by and save every penny I could.

Six yrs ago I asked my parents to co-sign a $30K loan and my beloved BIL was my contractor and he built a 3 bedroom brick for me. I am proud to say I paid $500/month and I just gave the final payment 2 wks ago!! YEAH ME!!!! How's THAT for Women Power?!?!???!!! I always say, where there's a will, there's a way.

Don't want this to get too long, so I'm going to cut it here for now. Will reminisce more as I have time.

Tags: divorce, single parent

2008-09-04T16:23:00.000-05:00

It's raining...AGAIN!! I had planned to work on my yard today and they're announcing flood advisories on the tv. Oh boy, I'm going to have to hire a crew to come cut my 1 acre of grass when all this is over! The grass is so wet all the time that we don't have a chance to cut before it grows really high again!

Not sure if you can make out how high the grass is from this picture. Half the trampoline's legs are hidden from the height of the grass. See the bent poles? That is as a result of Hurricane Dolly back in July.

NO MORE RAIN!!

2008-08-24T13:27:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I live in South TX and we have been in a severe drought for yrs. So what happens lately?...we've had more than our share of rain in the last MONTH!! Since Hurricane Dolly came by on 07/23 it seems that it's been raining at least twice a week! Our yards are soaked, can't absorb any more water, there are poor areas "colonias" in Spanish that are still flooded in from the hurricane, people are displaced, everyone, including me, have been pitching in to scrape up what we can to help those in most need.

I got 2 comforters, pillows, linens, children's clothing, my clothes, then I bought a bunch of things from the dollar zone, shampoo, hand soap, dish soap, bleach, etc, to send to a needy family. I wish I could help everyone, but I will do my share by helping at least one family.

Now it's Florida's turn, poor people, so much rain. Water creates so much damage!

I scanned a picture of me and sized it to 1.5" and the picture on the side bar is the result. Can anyone help? I'm not too computer literate, but I'm not illiterate either.

Have a wonderful day, I think I have to go cut some grass on my 1 acre lot. Push mower, good exercise!

2008-08-23T00:39:00.000-05:00

I'm in shock! My boyfriend (lives in San Antonio, 250 miles from me) informed me today that he has been let go from his job. He has been there for 10 yrs!! RIF they called it, down-sizing, reduction in force...whatever, he is being laid off. A few others were let go too, so he's not the only one. The wonderful thing is that he is okay with it, they did what they had to do he says...but he is 57 yrs old, after all. He comes with lots of computer experience, and he says he is not worried, but not very many people want to hire someone our age. I will keep him in my prayers. If you pray, pray for him, the he soon finds a job. San Antonio is huge, so I'm staying optimistic.

I found a picture of my wrecked car, the one where the 15 y.o. drunk girl rear-ended me. Here it is.

She hit me with a double cab dodge pick up. Totally tore up my gas saver '99 Chevy Metro. With the gas prices, I so wish I had it back. Still fighting her insurance company. If they only wanted to pay me 1/2 of what my car is valued at, can you just imagine what they are going to want to pay for my bodily injury? A measly few dollars, I'm sure. But I've got more time than money, and I will continue the fight!

My daily diet has been horrible! No exercise, lots of pecan cookies, cokes, bite size chocolate candies. Monday, it's back to the drawing board.

Monday, always Monday...

Tags: car wrecks, diets, employment

CELEBRATE!!

2008-08-20T23:35:00.000-05:00

It's now 11:20 p.m., got home from work at 8 pm, picked up a 6-pack of Bud Lite to celebrate that I am about 98% done with what needs to be done by Monday, first day of classes for the school year.

I have decided to talk to my principal tomorrow and hit her up for at least 15 hrs of overtime pay. I've been working 8am-8pm for almost 2 wks straight, and while the work in the office is not divided up evenly, I would rather do it and know that it's done RIGHT! Would hate to have to be fixing mistakes on day one, when parents are crowding the office and things are just not right.

What is it with some people?...do they just not care, do they just know that it will be done by others? There are new responsibilities at work and I absolutely REFUSE to take on any more!! I have enough with the bookkeeping, school activity fund and about $80K in district funds. That alone takes up my whole day, then I am also saddled with student records, because, as my asst. principal says,..."I don't want to trust anyone else with it." Well, other people can learn, and they can learn to do it right!

If I do say so myself, I am the "sharpest pencil" in the office, among 4 of us there, what with almost 32 yrs experience. But I am willing to train others, I won't be there forever! Maybe in 5 yrs or so my long-distance boyfriend of 5 yrs will be ready to retire and I can retire along with him :-)

...and if tomorrow my boss says I can't pay myself for some of my overtime I've been putting in, well, I'll just have to start getting rid of some responsibilities! Nothing is set in stone as to who does what in the office, somehow since I'm the secretary and the other 3 are clerks, I just get saddled with the heavy loads!

NOT FAIR!!

Tags: work frustrations, whining

2008-08-19T21:59:00.000-05:00

So much for the "getting back to regular meals routine" this week. I've been working 8am-8pm, going to mandatory boring meetings, and just snacking on bitesize chocolates (and I don't even care much for it, but it's there!), all out of extreme tiredness (is that even a word!!?)

I'm almost done with everything I have to do for the first day of school which is Monday, the 25th, will probably finish by Thursday, then Friday will be clean up day. Literally, clean up, the office, hide everything in the closets, and just make the office presentable.

It poured all day yesterday and we have some sort of plumbing problem in a below ground level room that we have in our campus. Can you believe sewer water leaks in there?!?!? YUCK! The smell was all over the grounds today! I can't imagine being a parent and walking in on Monday, bright and early, to the smell of poop! Hope they fix it soon!

I haven't seen my long distance boyfriend in several weeks, and now with school opening won't see him this weekend for sure. Gonna take a 3 day trip to New Mexico on Sept 2-5 to see my nephew graduate from the Border Patrol Academy, so I guess the boyfriend will have to wait till after that.

Ho-hum, such a boring, tiring day. Let's hope for more excitement tomorrow.

Getting back into the hang of journaling

2008-08-16T23:25:00.000-05:00

Wow, August 16th, 10 days before my birthday...53, where have the years gone?...

So much has happened this summer, I was rear-ended on June 4th by a 15 year old little girl, she was drunk at 7 a.m., probably out all night. Had to get an attorney because her insurance didn't want to accept liability, but they finally did. The fight is on.

I am an elementary school secretary and we're in the process of getting ready for classes to begin on 08/25, out staff returns day after tomorrow, on the 18th. Long hours await me, registering and keying in new students. Unfortunately, I get no overtime pay, but I am compensated with comp time as needed.

Still struggling with my weight. 225 as of last week. I'm glad we're back on regular schedule in 2 days, will be able to follow a regular meal schedule. I am determined that I WILL start exercising again on Monday. Monday, why do we always wait until the infamous "Monday"

So much to say, so many thoughts wandering around in my head. Will write more as I think.

Tags: weight loss, car accident

Has it really been over 4 yrs??

2008-06-15T01:57:00.000-05:00

Has it really been 4 years and 9 months since I last posted?? I should have listened to myself, should have posted daily to keep myself in check with my weight.

It has been 7 years and 3 months since my gastric bypass weight loss surgery. The surgery helped me lose 108 lbs in 18 months. In the last 5 yrs and 9 months I have regained 52 of those lbs, bringing my weight back up to 222 as of last week. Why am I such a food junkie? Why can't I just do as the thin people do and just say, "no thank you" when offered something, especially when I'm not hungry when the item is offered!

I've been an avid reader of other people's online journals and finally realized that I have lots to say, even if it's just to get it off my chest, even if no one else but me ever reads what I have to say.

It's late, almost 2 a.m., so going to get some sleep (I'm a night owl so this is my regular time to get to bed). I will think of where to start writing tomorrow.

Tags: weight loss surgery, imsomnia, regained weight

Tuesday - Oct 7, 2003

2003-10-07T23:55:00.000-05:00

Today's weight: 191.5 -- down 2 lbs from yesterday. People call it "waterweight". I don't care, I'll take it anyway it comes. I will NOT get to 200 ever again!

Day 2 of being accountable to myself for everything that goes into my body. I have a friend who helps keep me in line. He "told it like it is" last night about one Hershey's Chocolate Kiss I had so today I gave the 4 I had in my desk to my co-worker. I did NOT cheat today, everything I ate was healthy -- 2 boiled egg whites, 1 slice bacon and 1 slice cheese for breakfast. 2 cups tossed salad with 2 tiny slivers of chicken fajita for lunch. I did have 2 fried tortilla chips, is that cheating? Co-worker's birthday, she got a goodie basket delivered, I told her I was just going to look at her goodies, she insisted I get some, I said a firm NO. Gooey chocolate cupcake left on my desk from a child's birthday, told my co-worker to take it immediately off my desk. Would have felt horrible if I had eaten it. Snack at 4 pm was a sugar free popsicle. Supper was 1/2 cup leftover salad, handful of porkrinds. I "CAN" do it.

Christmas goal is back to my comfortable 170 lbs. If ever I get to 169 lbs I will probably cry...

My very 1st Journal Entry

2003-10-06T21:16:00.000-05:00

One year ago I was weighing in at 170 lbs, wearing a very comfortable size 12 clothes. Today I weigh 193.5 and some 14's are tight; yet I can still wear some 12's.
Today I decided to get a grip on my eating, eliminating all visible carbs/breads/sugars. I did have a weak moment in the morning when I ate a Hershey's chocolate kiss that I found in my desk. Breakfast was 1/2 cup cubed ham and a slice of cheese. Lunch was 3 cups tossed salad and 1 baked chicken wing. I had very little supper, about 3 tbsps cottage cheese and a slice of lean deli ham. I've been fighting the "head hunger" because I am not "physically" hungry.
I am fixing my meals for tomorrow; boiled egg whites and cheese for breakfast, another salad with 2 slices deli ham for lunch. Made some s.f. jello for snack too :-)