Thursday, February 19, 2009

Is it Thursday again??

I didn't go work today and it felt good! I've been feeling totally exhausted for about a week now.
To catch up...I went to Corpus Christi to meet up with my boyfriend of 6 yrs. Valentine's Day was our 6th anniversary, we originally met there back in 2003 after chatting online for about 6 weeks and the rest is history :-) We dined at Blackbeards, which has become a tradition and then just stayed in and enjoyed each other's company. It's amazing what good friends we are, we can sit and talk for hours. I would hate to get married and have that end so I've chosen to enjoy being a "girlfriend" for as long as I can.

Last nght my 26 y.o. daughter and I got into an argument, which is quite rare. It was over some trivial issue and she just said, "now I know what Gilbert (my son) meant when he said he felt like he was walking on eggshells when he lived at home, I can't tell you anything without you blowing it out of proportion!" THAT HURT! Walking on eggshells...? If anyone went through what I went through from 1998-2003 with my son, oh Lord, I dont' even want to remember...3 car accidents, 2 of them hospitalized, major motorcycle accident, broken right arm, rod inserted, lost the use of his wrist until 2006 when he had tendon replacement, traffic citations after traffic citations, arrests for failing to appear in court, staying up all night worrying about him, where was he? was he turned over in a ditch somewhere? was he in jail? And then he had the nerve to say he felt like he was walking on eggshells while living with me?

I wish I was one of those mothers who could say, "Tough Shit, I'm the mom and if you don't like it, there's the door!" But I'm a softie and I never want to hurt my kids, I never embarassed them in front of their friends, I went to every single band practice/concert/football game, every event - I was there. And now my son has said a couple of times that he remembers being "terrified" of me, I told him that didn't sound so nice, and he said, "Noooo, that's good, because that kept me in line." Well, that may have worked until he was 18, and once he graduated all hell broke lose.

Why are we, the parents, always made out to be the bad guy?

Well, my daughter has a 4 year old son and my son will be a daddy come June (God willing) and one day, they too will be parents of grown up kids. I hope I'm around to hear what their grown up kids remember about them.

On a brighter note...I mysteriously lost 2 lbs this week. Scale read 220 today. YEAH!! But, BIG BUT...I was so depressed after my fight with my daughter that I found myself at the bakery buying 4 HUGE cookies! Comfort foods, that's all I could think of today while I was crying all day, just wanted to eat myself into oblivion.

Follow up with my ortho specialist today. All is well, I can remove the brace, he wants me to walk as much as I can without it, wants me to wear it if I'm going to be in crowds, or like at fairs/carnivals, etc. My last physical therpy session was this week, my $1,500. insurance limit has been met so now I get to do all my exercises at home. The therpist gave me a print out of what to do, they are mostly stretching exercises to help stretch my calf and the back of my ankle, the tendon has not totally relaxed so it's a little hard to walk normally. But...if I walk really slow, you can hardly tell that I have an injury. YEAH! Almost...almost back to normal!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Weigh in...finally

Well, I finally stepped on the scale today and it wasn't what I thought. I weigh exactly 222, which I think was what I was weighing before I fell and broke my ankle 2 months ago. It's a victory in itself, because that means I survived the Christmas and New Year's holidays without gaining a pound, but I swear that when I went back to work just 11 days ago I probably weighed 5 lbs less. I am not eating a lot, I just munch on junk sometimes. We are in the middle of a chocolate bar fundraiser at school right now and even though plain chocolate is not a favorite of mine, I bought one yesterday and ate half :-(

I am constantly fighting with my food demons...last week after therapy I drove by a health food place and tasted some sugar coated cashews. They were devine and I bought $10. worth!! I ate for several days, then I finally threw out about half the bag out into the grass, I was sick of eating them...that's probably part of my 5 lb regain in a week! I just have to get my ass in gear and JUST DO IT! In early January I was told about a wedding on 2/21 and I thought...ahhhh, I have like 7 weeks to lose AT LEAST 10 lbs - did I do it? Nope, and the wedding is in 8 days.'s always tomorrow. Damn food demons, why doesn't someone exorcise them for me!?!?!??!!

I will travel by bus this weekend for 3 hrs to go visit my boyfriend, it's our 6 year anniversary and we've always spent it together, so I hope my ankle is able to lift me up onto old Greyhound!

I sure hope I post a better weigh in next week. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Weekly update

Wow, how time flies. I log on at least 3X daily, but I am reading (not posting), trying to catch up with my online friends, wanting to see how everyone is doing.

I returned to work on Monday and all has gone well. I am very happy to see that the 2 clerks have fared well while I was gone (not that they need me there to do their work), but they seem to have developed a new routine for handling the front office and that leaves me free to do my work w/o having to help them. They answer the phones, take care of the parents who walk in, and handle most of the staff's questions. That frees me to do the bookkeeping/bill paying/payroll/substitutes, etc, etc. It has gone nice and smooth and I was able to go to therapy 3 times this week. I have 2 more sessions scheduled this coming week and then a follow-up with the orthopaedic specialist on the 19th, maybe the brace will be removed at that time. Oh, I didn't mention that as of yesterday I am crutch-free and walking on my own. It was "strange" to stand by the parallel bars and gradually put all my weight on my left foot, I thought I wouldn't be able to, but the therapist gave me the confidence to do it, he kept reassuring me that the bone is healed and that I would be fine, so I walked out of there with my crutch in my hand and not under my armpit :-)

I know I lost some weight while I was at home THANK GOD, because I was worried about boredom-eating. One of my co-workers is one of those who notices EVERYTHING and is quite observant. As soon as I walked in on Monday, she said, "Wow, you lost lots of weight, were you not eating?!?" I told her I was careful of what I ate because I was worried about gaining from just laying around. My clothes fit better and so do my jeans! I am continuing to be very mindful of what I eat also. I usually have one egg with a small slice of ready-to-eat canadian bacon for breakfast, a protein shake for lunch, then I just have a light supper, maybe cottage cheese with a couple of slices of deli lean ham and some pork rinds. You would think I would be losing lots of weight, but my metabolism is shot from my gastric bypass and I know I should be eating more to get it revved up and of course, there's the no exercise, especially lately, but I am determined that this year will be the year I get back under 200 by the end of the year. My all-time high back in about October was 228, I am probably about 215 now, couldn't weigh myself this week because the coaches had the scale in the gym and I was not about to hobble all the way across campus just to use the scale. But this coming week I will make it a point to weigh myself and see if I am more or less correct on my #s.

I have a dream I need to talk about, but don't want to make this post too long, so will cut this one here. Last night's dream coming up...